So Shallow

I can't help but want to make a stream of comments as I watch THE SHALLOWS as I had high hopes from watching the trailer but halfway through I'm just ready to explode with frustration & questions. Spoilers ahead!

Since I'm already halfway through I'm going to fly through my thoughts so far...

Again, really looked forward to this movie since seeing the trailer but as soon as it opened with on screen graphics of phone screens I knew I was going to hate it. I fucking HATE on screen phone displays (with a few exceptions that don't come to mind).

Of course Blake Lively was a med school drop out... fuck the sexual revolution, she dun't look it and certainly dun't sell it by talking to herself.

The Gopro surf reel was cringe worthy mostly because the obvious CG replacements of Blake Lively's face onto a pro surfer. There was a time when it was ok when you could recognize a stunt performer's face instead of the actual actor.

Shit greenscreen shots & lighting. Just do shoot it on location or in an outside water tank set for fuck's sake.

Why the fuck would the shark be interested in a scrawny blond when there's a fucking fat-ass whale carcass right there for the taking.

Uh, a shark that size would've taken her leg right off. And if it did let go it would be because she doesn't taste like a fat juicy seal, which would mean it wouldn't be interested in stalking her. And again, there's a fucking whale buffet right next to her.

Why would the drunk leave only a few items but take the phone & backpack? I'm guessing the writer needs those items later?

Why would the drunk go through the trouble of retrieving the surfboard? With all his clothes on & the fucking cellphone he stole in his pocket?

Fucking hilarious. Did the shark use a hack saw & cut the drunk in half & then dump both halves of his body on the beach? WTF!

Ok now I'm going to continue watching the playback. Jeezus fucking H Christ this is going to be brutal...

As cheesy as it is, I do like the injured seagull... so far.

Now she's a fucking vet...

I can't stand that they went through the trouble of making the watch timer look wet. Who gives a shit about the exact timing!

Ok so the shark looked convincing in the reef attack.

Ok using medical terms to describe your injury doesn't convince me you're a med school drop out - you're trying way too fucking hard!

So the shark is protecting its feeding ground? From a scrawny blond? Why is it not busy eating?

Glowing fucking jellyfish - fucking gone scifi now.

Again, the CG shark attack on the bouey thingy wasn't bad.

That's what you use the shark tooth for? Fucking so unspectacular.

Do they really put flare guns on boueys so close to shore?

I guess operating a Gopro is child's play.

She's still fucking bleeding? And that much blood? That's a stretch.

Where'd the gasoline come from?

WHERE'D THE FUCKING GASOLINE SLICK COME FROM! I fucking rewound that shit to see what I missed. Is that supposed to be whale fat? Is that fucking possible!

Jeezus fucking Christ! How the fuck could she possibly come up with that plan to kill a shark with an IQ & ESP way above her? The fucking shark all of a sudden got fucking stupid! And apparently Blake Lively can magically see through turbulent water to the ocean floor.

And how the fuck was she able to suddenly stop her descent down?

If she was passed out in the ocean she would've been tossed & drown. It's not a fucking pool for Christ's sake!

Boob parallel.

Why is her POV flashback in the water when she's out of the water?

Ah shit, one fucking year later... because all shitty movies can't stop & shut the fuck up.

Is it legal for an pre-teen to say that?

Uh these overhead ocean shots look very vaginal...

Ok it's finally over over. Fuck that's got to be the most stupid ass movie of the year. Really fucking dumb.

I'm done.

These sentiments about writing make painful, I mean useful, sense to me.

Three Writing Tips From Pulitzer Prize-Winning Author Jennifer Egan

Writing is something everyone should do on some level. No matter what makes you put pen to paper, these three tips from Jennifer Egan will help as you continue your own writer’s journey.

LIFEHACKER.COM|BY PATRICK ALLAN

Mass Invite

Karyn Kusama's THE INVITATION feels a lot like the high-brow horror that recent Blumhouse films try to be but exceeds them with an intriguing, but simple, pay-off at the end. I'm not talking about the final confrontation (which is a real slow burn to get to and a bit anticlimactic since it basically teases it the whole film), no I'm talking about the very last 2 or 3 shots of the film which bring back that classic horror theme that no matter how intimate fear can be, the idea of Horror is much bigger.

Just HUSH please

Yet another horror film that's been getting a baffling amount of praise is HUSH (now on Netflix). It starts out great (like THE PURGE) but just completely falls apart (like THE PURGE) with so many unanswered motives and just absurdly inept characters. THE BABADOOK and IT FOLLOWS were certainly over-hyped but they are in fact solid films. No HUSH is more in line with the frustrating stupidity of YOU'RE NEXT. I've even read comparisons to THE STRANGERS. Please! THE STRANGERS blows all the aforementioned films out of the water.

And if you're going to play the deaf-mute card then don't break that reality with her f***** talking, even if it's in her mind - I get the reasoning but it just reinforces the lack of back-bone to cast an actual deaf-mute to play the part.

Bruce has left the building

Had this dream last night where Bruce Lee had just passed away and there was a crowded funeral procession making there way through a narrow Chinatown alley way and into a small urban temple. Since there were far too many people to get past I decided to hang out in an apartment building next door to the temple - it was some friend or family acquaintances's house and there were other people lounging about. While being bored in that cramped living space I noticed an older woman carefully make her way in and then a few minutes later out of a door that was labeled "Do Not Enter" in Chinese. Of course I can't speak or read Chinese so it's a mystery as to how I knew what the sign said. Regardless I decided to check it out and somehow rationalized that since we were next door to the temple there must be some underground passage that connected the two buildings. Sure enough as I headed down a steep set of cob-web infested stairs I eventually found a ramp that led up directly to the stage where a rock band was playing a tribute to Bruce. Even though I was quite careful not to be seen I suddenly heard "He's got a gun!" and everyone looked to me standing there in the passageway. I run back as the zombie like mob chased me through the tunnels. I made my way back to the apartment building, locked the door shut, and took a seat pretending nothing had happened.

Hey I don't make this s*** up, I just dream it.

The Franchise Awakens

Finally saw STAR WARS: TFA - it does almost everything JURASSIC WORLD did but better in terms of riding the good-will of the franchise. Really enjoyed it but I have to say that it's kind of sad how George Lucas tried so hard (probably too hard) to actually develop a deeper SW world of characters and plot with the prequels but got spat on for his lacking direction. Whereas JJ Abrams practically did nothing inherently new with the narrative but won over audiences with a relentless assault of flash, bang, and inside-joke elbow nudges (I was actually laughing at how aggressive it was at times). So the 1st round was fun but the next will have offer a lot more than a bunch of nostalgia interrupted by an endless string of inciting incidences.

Dreams

Been awhile since I dreamed and remembered it. This one was certainly surreal. It was never explicitly stated but I was most definitely Spiderman. I don't quite remember whst happened earlier in the dream but at some point I lost my powers and was trying to get back home. On my way trying to swing through a jungle of steel supports (in an ally or under a bridge) a web slinger fails and I get stuck where a gang that hates me captures me. As the gang tries to burn me with acid, I flip a table that we sit at causing the leader to spill acid on himself and splash it in the floor. I jump onto the acid-weakened floor and go crashing through. I am helped by my escape by Archie (from CSULB) and a frantic hispanic woman with 2 kids. When I get home I felt so happy to be safe within familiar walls eventhough my room was practically empty. As I'm frantically looking around my room the 2 kids go off looking for trouble and I stop them from alerting Aunt May. Archie for some reason looked lost.

"Between" hilariously bad and mediocrity

So I just couldn't fathom what a 1 out of 5 star Netflix series would be like so I checked out the 1st episode of "Between." Of course some people are disgruntled with the weekly release format but on the surface the production looked competent. As the plotting picked up I realized that the awkwardly bad of the series was really nuanced stuff - as if the writer or director just didn't understand the material. Like when various family members coughed up blood the unanimous reaction was to just stand there looking worried and call out their name but do nothing. Or when a character runs off screen looking for help and then literally runs into the next scene finding the specific help that was probably miles away (like if it were a Saturday Night Live skit). And much of the dialog sounded either predictable or just a bit off for the given situation. I actually found it to be quite entertaining in a mean-hearted, critical way but the real hilarity is in what others are saying around the Net both bad and good - apparently there are some who think "Between" is quite phenomenal. I just think it's all unintentionally funny and wish they really push harder on that angle.

Review catch up!

BLACK SEA is great! The premise of sunken gold sounds almost like an Indiana Jones adventure but this film sells it with a gritty real-world tone. And that tone could easily be marred by cheap visual effects but this film does a pretty good job of keeping you engaged and in the dramatic moments. They just don't make enough submarine thrillers these days!

13 SINS is actually a really great horror film. It has this nice retro feel, and by retro I mean early 2000's when horror moved into the more grounded realism of thrillers. And it also feels retro because everyone is using a flip-phone despite being a 2014 release. It doesn't go bat-shit crazy, but the simple premise keeps things moving and it all builds to some decent revelations - just don't expect any huge or elaborate set-pieces. 

AMAZING SPIDERMAN 2 is just more of the same problems that the 1st had. The plot mechanics of the comic book story are just silly as hell, as if it were written for a 5 year old. And the love story is competent but oh-so saccharine sweet as if it were written for a teen. Unfortunately the 2 sides just don't meld very well, and while it does calls itself out as being cliche it continuously violates it's own awareness.

I have to say I liked RIDDICK over-all. It's a bit goofy how they play up Vin Diesel's character (I preferred when he talked less) but it plays as an overly ambitious but competent B-movie. The film tries to hearken back to success of the 1st, PITCH BLACK, but doesn't quite get there because of the over reliance on studio sets, CG, and greenscreen shots (the 1st had great locations & actually took a risk with bleach-bypassing their film for a very moody tonality to the picture). The very end was just plain stupid (or some kind of inside joke) as this B-movie was trying to go for a high-brow sci-fi cliff hanger (part of being overly ambitious). 

It's been awhile since I've read a graphic novel, let alone anything from illustrator Jim Lee who was a big visual influence on me growing up. But Jim Lee comics have never blown me away when it comes story and this latest "Mastermen" where Superman is imagined as a Nazi is no exception. The premise is interesting and the illustrations are glorious but the story doesn't come to any meaningful or satisfying realization (though there is plenty of visual flare & destruction). I'm beginning to think Jim Lee is the Michael Bay of comics, but I still have more catching up to do.

Unforgiven (2013)

Directed by Sang-il Lee. With Ken Watanabe, Jun Kunimura, Shiori Kutsuna, Yûya Yagira. Just as Clint Eastwood's star-making spaghetti Western A Fistful of Dollars was inspired by Akira Kurosawa's Yojimbo, Japanese-Korean filmmaker Sang-il Lee (Villain) has 

I saw the Eastwood UNFORGIVEN when I was young so I didn't fully grasp any of the revisionist Western nuances about it but have come to appreciate them over time (even though I have yet to rewatch it). This Japanese remake followed the Eastwood version fairly closely but leaned heavily towards sentimentality (as unfortunately most mainstream Japanese films do these days), and this was the film's downfall in the final act where there's a lot of slow motion accentuated by somber music - the original film's ending was unapologetic and blunt, raw and practically real-time. I didn't mind the sentimentality in the beginning acts (incorporating oppression of the Hokkaido Ainu natives was great) but that same approach through to the end just pushed it into melodrama and just felt disingenuous. And what's really missing was Gene Hackman's performance as a colossal prick sheriff - his Japanese counter part just went through the motions of being a villain but had no gravitas. If anything this films should've used a different title to avoid direct comparisons to the original because it looked great and did a few interesting things on its own.

I remember reviews for ELYSIUM were pretty negative when it 1st came out but I thought it was a pretty entertaining sci-fi action-adventure. It wasn't quite the social commentary that DISTRICT 9 was and Jodie Foster was a wee bit annoying, but the world building was visually great (though the concept doesn't go much deeper than that proposed in the trailers). And some of the shaky-cam was egregious, but I promise you it's not all that bad. I wasn't convinced Blomcamp could do a good ALIEN movie based on the conceptual artwork he released, but after watching ELYSIUM I'm a little reassured that at the very least it would be a fun ride. #facebook

I was thinking THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN had this hyper-stylized, ADD cutting & shooting style reminiscent of "American Horror Story," only to find out the director is of the AHS pedigree. The constant slider/dollying camera, bleeding colors, and flaring backlights feel excessive but I can't help but admire the energy. The "original film within the remake" concept is interesting enough but the ending reeks of an Adam Wingard ineptitude (but not quite as juvenile). BTW the director is also that of ME AND EARL AND THE DYING GIRL which was supposedly the breakout hit of Sundance this year. #facebook

THE ROVER is such a strange, not-quite-what-you-think, drama that's a little ambiguous which makes it intriguing, a little awkward which can make it funny, and a little boring which can make it seem aimless or even tedious. But by the end I liked it - performances are good, scenery is nice and desolate and disorienting, but I grew up partially in the California desert so I like dusty backdrops. And the ending somewhat made sense to me. The trailer is somewhat misleading in that it looks like this grand adventure, but it's really more a film about happenstance and contemplation. #facebook

I was just watching JODOROWSKY'S DUNE, which is a quite fascinating and inspired documentary, and realized that many contemporary opinions seem to be that David Lynch's DUNE was terrible. I've only seen it as a kid with my father and I thought it was pretty great. I guess I'll have to watch it again as an adult. #facebook

A MOST WANTED MAN is a subtle, slow burn type of film that is hard to get me to watch but I'm always glad I did by the end. It can be a bit jarring at 1st to see so many recognizable American actors doing all manner of European accents but beyond that you can see everyone chewing it up, especially Philip Seymour Hoffman. And it really is a heartbreak to watch Hoffman, knowing that the when film ends it truly is the last of him. #facebook

THE FRAME felt like a student thesis extended into a feature. I don't mean that to be entirely insulting but there's a lot of dead weight to a potentially interesting concept. The trailer says it all in that it looks intriguing but there's just no indication as to what in hell the film's about, and film itself hides in ambiguity and conceptual nonsense rather than tackle a meaningful narrative. Felt the same way about SUCKER PUNCH. #facebook

Unfortunately REC4 is just not all that intriguing - it's just survival horror on a boat. It's not terrible or anything, it just doesn't elevate the franchise or do anything completely different like REC3 did with zombies at a wedding. Meh... #facebook

As I suspected, V/H/S VIRAL is a piece of s***. The 1st was interesting but meh. The 2nd completely reinvigorated the possibilities of what a found footage film could be. But this latest one regresses into incoherent nonsense, bad acting, laughable CG parlor tricks, and a complete disregard of the very conventions of the found footage concept. Actually that's not true, it's worst: it's shaky-blurry-vomit-gopro-youtube-cam with the dumbest fictionalized excuses for why a video camera is rolling. #facebook

Aussie horror THE BABADOOK had genuinely creepy moments and decent dramatic performances (the boy is great) but as a horror film it's just too slow with little pay-off. I may have missed some thematic nuance or message but I didn't quite get the meaning of end. A shame, I was looking forward to a good scare, though a dedicated horror sequel of The Babadook character could potentially be awesome. #facebook

"Hannibal" S1 is one of the best crime/thriller series I've seen & it highlights 3 of my personal fascinations: Cinematic Beauty, Culinary Art, & Sadistic Mind-f***ing. Mad Mikkelsen deceptively does very little except play the fulcrum for all plotting around him but he wears the infamy of Hannibal Lector like fine tailored suit. This series easily bests any of the previous films, even the original Demme film which I'm a fan of. #gnetx #facebook

Let the writing begin!

My latest feature script outline is finally near completion. This has go to be the prettiest layout I've created so far!

Some horror movie recollections

BACKCOUNTRY takes a fairly simple premise and setting and does a pretty decent job creating some tense atmosphere. No surprises, though if you know the ending of the doc GRIZZLY MAN this film's climax is much like the visualization of that brutal carnage (which is in fact surprisingly effective). There maybe one too many shallow focus photography style nature shots and sometimes the characters do seemingly silly or even frustratingly stupid things but the performances are believable. I did some backpacking long ago so much of the slow-burn lead-in was just a nice look back on my own experiences. I should add that this film is infinitely better than WILLOW CREEK which has similar elements but was just god-awfully ineffective and pointless. #facebook

>>>>

I don't want to fully discredit THE CANAL because it has some pretty creepy scenes (mostly towards the end), but it also blatantly rips off visuals from THE RING with none of the clever context. But this film does take it one step further in the very end where I was vocally uttering "What the f***!" The story itself is very uninspired (another AMITYVILLE HORROR rehash) and the final reveal is an unreliable narrator type f*** you to the audience which I can't stand (though I know a lot of simpletons would like it). But like I said, it does stretch it's dollars in ambiance - ultimately it just needs better plotting.‪#‎gnetx‬

Watch The Canal () online - Amazon Instant Video

A man who suspects his wife is cheating on him begins having nightmarish visions of an evil presence that he believes inhabits his house.

Year of the Time Paradox

I bet you didn't realize it but 2014 was the year of Time Paradox movies. EDGE OF TOMORROW being the biggest & best with plenty of hard hitting action, a nice play on the respawn mentality, & Emily "Full Metal Bitch" Blunt. PREDESTINATION gets the mind f*** award. It tests your suspension of disbelief but if you let it, it's a good f***. THE INFINITE MAN is the love centric version with an indie quirk sense of humor. Not my speed but there is a nice realization about the paradox towards the end. TIME LAPSE has the weakest performances & written dialog of the lot but I think the concept & payoff (though lacking in execution) is worth the watch. There may be even a few more but it seems all of these films flew under the radar of most people, and that's the biggest paradox of all!

WHIPLASH

Wow, WHIPLASH is like if in MR HOLLAND'S OPUS Dreyfuss was a raging perfectionist a**hole and his student was an obsessive psychotic, but it all plays out like a really great drama. I thoroughly enjoyed it. #gnetx

THE EXPENDABLE INTERVIEW

I wish Franco & Rogan in THE INTERVIEW were swapped out for the cast of THE EXPENDABLES - that would make more sense to me. #gnetx

Film & TV lightening recollections

GONE GIRL, plenty of intrigue and suspense and I felt, at least for the 1st half, that Fincher was mocking audiences of these type of novels (which I found amusing). But I found the characters to be quite unbelievable and unrelateable.
DUMB & DUMBER 2, some snickers but I lost track of what/why characters were doing and it was all forgettable at best.
WOLVES, very much a b-movie with practical makeup that barely hurdled being completely ridiculous - not bad but you really have to be a 80s/90s horror fan to appreciate it.
ANCHORMAN 2, one of the few movies I just couldn't finish watching - mostly awkward un-funniness in the same vain as 22 JUMP STREET.
GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, despite knowing and hearing so much about this film I still enjoyed it. The humor and the production design felt so fluid and confident - great entertainment.
"Fargo" TV series, captured so much of the Coen film and yet was completely an entity of its own. Darkly funny, relate-able yet off-beat characters. Last year was a great year of discovering TV series for me: "True Detective" & "Hannibal."
STONEHEARST ASYLUM, I did have expectations going in that didn't quite get met but it's a ok thriller - the twists just didn't hit hard enough and Kate Beckensale's "talents" were under-utilized.
NIGHTCRAWLER, very enthralling themes but Jake Gyllenhaal's uncanny creep factor really elevated this film. There was also a 90s vibe to this film that intrigued me.
HOBBIT 3, these are films that I just fall into without over analyzing the filmmaking. Fantasy films of this scale are now so few and far between that I just savor the grand ambition of the CG and soap opera-esque antics.
"Big Bang Theory," 6 seasons in about a month. I came for Penny and left liking the whole shebang.

#gnetx

Botfly Pie

I had this reoccurring dream that a Botfly had laid its larva in my leg, so every time I squeezed the welt maggots would come squirming out. It was more annoying than horrifying but kept me up all night nonetheless. #gnetx

Bi-Poehler

My wife was joking that Amy Poehler would be at Minami's friend's birthday party & it turned out to be true. BTW I'm a big Parks & Rec fan - glad I came... for Minami of course. #minami #skyguy76 #sse

Nerd Rage Retraction

It has been pointed out that Robert Patrick was the T-1000 & not the T-2000 in TERMINATOR 2 as I wrote in my earlier post. That is all. #sse #gnetx

I've developed a taste for Hannibal

"Hannibal" S1 is one of the best crime/thriller series I've seen & it highlights 3 of my personal fascinations: Cinematic Beauty, Culinary Art, & Sadistic Mind-f***ing. Mad Mikkelsen deceptively does very little except play the fulcrum for all plotting around him but he wears the infamy of Hannibal Lector like fine tailored suit. This series easily bests any of the previous films, even the original Demme film which I'm a fan of.

#sse #gnetx

ALIENS from 35mm to VHS to DVD to Bluray

I screened the ALIENS special edition extended cut Bluray for my film students which runs 2.5 hours but took 3 hours because I kept pausing it to comment on the film. I must say that I like the shorter theatrical cut better because it is concise and emphasizes the action elements while keeping the emotional ties & themes at a minimum without loosing much if you're really paying attention. Some of the suspense is drawn out in the special edition, which I still enjoyed, but it never added anything significant. 

Can you believe that I actually saw ALIENS with my dad projected in 35mm during its theatrical run - imagine the impact a film like that would have on a 10 year old! I've now seen the film on 35mm film, VHS, DVD, and now Bluray. Looking forward to 4K.

#sse #gnetx

Aliens (1986)

Directed by James Cameron. With Sigourney Weaver, Michael Biehn, Carrie Henn, Paul Reiser. The planet from Alien (1979) has been colonized, but contact is lost. This time, the rescue team has impressive firepower, but will it be enough?

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